


Because There Might Be Diamonds Inside

by celestialskiff



Category: Leverage
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Bisexuality, F/F, Femslash, Friendship, Light Bondage, Mild Kink, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 21:53:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14819567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialskiff/pseuds/celestialskiff
Summary: “When you asked me when I first knew I was different, I thought you were talking about something else,” Parker said. “I thought you were going to ask me when I figured out I was bi.”Parker tries to work out how to date Sophie. Or: I intended to write a short PWP and ended up with 7K of autism feelings.





	Because There Might Be Diamonds Inside

**Author's Note:**

> I am new to _Leverage_ , and at the time of writing have not watched past season 2. This story is set roughly at the beginning of season 2 and plays a little fast and loose with the canon. Apologies for any major discrepancies caused by my lack of familiarity with later canon (which I am watching as fast as I can! OMG, it's so good!) Thanks to capeofstorm for the beta.

The hotel was on the waterfront; she and Sophie were in one of the best suites. Parker appreciated that: rooms like these had the smell of money trapped in the soft furnishings. 

Sophie turned the local news on to see if their were any updates about the crook they were following. Parker sat next to her, pretending to be sleepy. She hugged herself, letting her head begin to loll. It had been a long drive from the airport, and if she were heavy and tired, she would have an excuse for leaning against Sophie. Resting her head on Sophie's narrow shoulder. 

In fact, her muscles kept tensing up because she was so aware of Sophie: the smell of her skin, the rustle of her hair. The movement of her throat as she swallowed a sip of coffee. Parker's head dipped a little closer. 

Sophie turned towards her, and smoothed the hair back from Parker's face. “Are you tired?” she said, her voice gentle, as though if Parker said yes, she'd let her sleep on her chest. 

It was too much. It was everything Parker wanted, and it was too much. She stood up. 

“No.” She meant to say something else, but no words came. She rushed into the bathroom, splashed cold water on her burning face. 

* 

Hardison was teaching Parker about air-quotes as she waited in the van. She was wedged between the door and Sophie. She liked it there: the tight space, the familiar, slightly stale scent on the van. 

“It's like winking,” Parker said.

“No, winking is more flirtatious.” Sophie braced her legs against the wall by Parker's shoulder. She was supposed to be helping Eliot over the comms. 

“But winking can mean you're not being serious.” Hardison looked at the screen, typing rapidly. 

“The air-quotes mean it's not serious too,” Parker pointed out. “So they're like winking.” 

“Try again, like I showed you,” Hardison said. He reached over to grab Parker's wrist. Hot fingers against hot skin. 

“Is this important?” Parker tried to wriggle away. Suddenly, she was reminded of the therapy they'd sent her to when she was in the system. _What does the little face with the straight line for a mouth mean? Is this person happy?_

Hardison shrugged. “It's not a big deal.”

“You can get this.” Sophie was doing the encouragement-voice that reminded Parker of therapy too. At first, Parker thought nothing Sophie could do would annoy her, but when you spent five hours in a van with someone, you figured out the grating things about them too. 

Parker huffed and turned away as much as she could within the small space. “It's stupid. I don't need to know.” 

Sophie dropped it, but only because Nate called them over the comms. 

Much later, after Parker had locked away the whole exchange, broken into a mid-90s bank vault (too easy), changed into pyjamas and settled down to watch TV in their hotel suite, Sophie passed her a bag of cookies, and said, “It must have been hard, when you were a child.” 

“What do you mean?” Parker asked. She took the cookies. She wasn't above bribes, if that's what this was. 

Sophie sat beside her on the couch and drew her legs up underneath herself. She took the remote without asking and turned the sound down on the TV. She was clearly settling in for a long speech. She smoothed the ends of her hair as she said, “So much of our interactions happen non-verbally. We communicate without words: gesture, facial expression, posture. Struggling to understand that, you must have felt left out. Confused, maybe. And kids can be very cruel to those who are different.” 

Parker bit into a cookie. “Do you want one?” 

Sophie took one, but didn't start eating it. Sophie mostly ate really boring stuff. Kale smoothies. Salads. Fish. 

“Kids weren't mean to me,” Parker said. She didn't explain that she was always made them afraid of her first. 

Sophie didn't say anything, and Parker wasn't sure how to interpret that. She added, “And if you're thinking I was too dumb to work out when they were being mean to me, I wasn't. That only happened once.” 

“I wasn't thinking that,” Sophie said gently. Her gaze lingered on Parker, and then she looked away. It was like a wink with both eyes. “When I was little, I liked playing pretend. Dressing up, being someone else. I suppose it's not that different from now.” 

Parker didn't like to think about being a kid. She'd had her bunny, and she'd worked hard to keep them both safe. She hadn't always succeeded. The best moments were spent in quiet, dark places, touching bunny's ear to her lips, and plotting. 

 

“I don't remember when I was a kid,” Parker said, which was a lie. She ate a whole cookie in one bite and pushed the bag aside. They were definitely bribe cookies, but she wasn't sure why she was being bribed. 

“You know, Parker, it might help if we talked about these things. It might help you to interact with people more easily now.” 

“Am I doing badly?” Parker asked. She didn't think anyone was mad at her. Maybe Eliot was mad at her? Eliot always seemed kind of mad. But he'd tell her right out if he was mad at her specifically. She liked that about Eliot. The others were more complicated. 

“That's not what I mean. I'm concerned that things are harder for you, that's all.” 

“But I'm not doing anything wrong?” Parker asked. “You'll still talk me through it if I need to speak to someone on a job, right?” 

“Of course,” Sophie said. “I'm not talking about the jobs. I'm just trying to understand.” 

“Understand what?” Parker's skin was starting to itch in a way that meant she should go and pick a lock. She didn't know what Sophie was trying to tell her. She felt out-of-place in a way she didn't usually feel with the team. 

“I suppose I'm trying to figure out what it was like for you when you were a kid.” Sophie kept trying to look at Parker, so Parker flicked her eyes away to stare at the TV. 

“Why does that matter?” Parker picked at her nail. “It sucked.” 

“Parker, I'm sorry. I'm doing this all wrong.” Sophie's voice was gentle, and maybe a little sad. 

Part of Parker wanted to keep talking, because this was _Sophie _, but more of her wanted to run. There was an air vent above the bedroom. This hotel was fifteen stories.__

__“I don't know what you're doing,” Parker said, as she got up._ _

__*_ _

__“Can I join you?” Sophie asked, standing in the doorway of their adjoining rooms._ _

__It was early. Parker had put on an old shirt and jogging shorts, and settled in to do her stretching. Sophie called it “working out” and said she liked to do a Pilates routine to keep in shape. Parker called it “stretching” because she had to be sure to stay limber enough to get into the tightest spaces._ _

__She hadn't expected to see Sophie right now. Silence washed over Parker: she was at the centre of her body, feeling how her limbs moved in space. Reminding herself how she worked. She looked up at Sophie, and suddenly remembered leaping from a building with her. The rush of air, of delight, Sophie's limbs around her own._ _

__“Um. Sure,” Parker said. She'd been thinking about the conversation they'd had the previous night. It had been hard to sleep, she'd been pressing her nose into the pillow and wondering how Sophie's skin would feel._ _

__Sophie sat down next to her, cross-legged, and began to do that breathing thing people did when they were about to do Pilates. Parker had never bothered with it._ _

__It was hard to get her rhythm back, with Sophie there, which was weird, because usually Parker was able to ignore everything around her. People weren't important when she was working. Of course, if she was doing a job, she needed people not to see her, but that wasn't the same as paying attention to them. They were parts in the puzzle she was solving. But watching Sophie made it hard to breathe, and ignoring Sophie took a lot of effort._ _

__The day was going to be hot. Parker wriggled out of the shirt she'd been wearing and flopped back in just her sports bra. Their hotel room was high in the building, catching the morning sunshine. Long lines of light spread over the floor._ _

__Sophie brushed loose hair out of her face. “Working up a glow,” she said._ _

__“Sweaty weather,” Parker agreed, stretching across the mat. Sophie lay beside her, and Parker suddenly wondered how Sophie's armpits smelled. What it would be like to lick the inside of her arm, to nuzzle into her ribs. She swallowed, and reached for her bottle of water._ _

__“I'm glad I joined you.” Sophie stretched her arms above her head. “You're inspiring.”_ _

__Parker was distracted by Sophie's midriff. She choked on a mouthful of water and said, “I'm inspiring?”_ _

__Sophie flicked at half smile at her. Parker had seen her do that smile at Nate, and at marks too, and it always made them flustered. So maybe it was OK that it made her stomach flutter too. Sophie asked, “Do you want to get something cold to drink? After we shower?”_ _

__“Do we have time?” Parker asked. They were technically on a job, after all._ _

__Sophie nodded. “Nothing will happen until the sun goes down, you know that.”_ _

__So Parker agreed. She showered quickly because it was too tempting to take a long time, to touch her stomach and her thighs and her vulva and imagine she was touching Sophie, touching all the places she'd thought about for so long. Touching places that weren't supposed to be sexual too: the curve of Sophie's jaw, the outside of her knee, the small of her back._ _

__Rushing meant that she had to wait for Sophie to be ready. She guessed Sophie needed a lot of time to coordinate outfits and figure out who she was going to be that day. It was interesting, being a lot of people, but Parker thought it seemed like a lot of work, too._ _

__The café, when they got there, was busy with morning commuters buying coffee, but few people were actually sitting at the tables. Parker got a smoothie; Sophie an iced coffee. They sat together at the window, looking out into the sunny street sloping down to a the ocean front below. The town was peaceful, full of the sea birds and boats. Parker thought it would be a pretty boring place if it weren't for the job._ _

__“I'm sorry if I upset you yesterday,” Sophie said. Her slim brown hand rested on Parker's arm. Her fingertips were cold from the coffee._ _

__Parker played with the straw of her smoothie. “You confused me,” she said at last. “Why did you want to know that stuff?”_ _

__“Because I'd like to get to know you, Parker,” Sophie said. “We spend so much time together, but I feel like I barely scratch the surface.”_ _

__“That's what we're all like, though,” Parker said. “We're criminals. We're shady.”_ _

__Sophie's hand stayed on her arm. Parker didn't move, she didn't want Sophie to stop touching her. The points of those fingers, the places they'd been._ _

__“Not like you,” Sophie said._ _

__Parker wrinkled her nose. “I'm not a worse criminal than any of you!” she said. She realised her voice was too loud. Lowering it, she said, “I mean, Eliot hits people. I never hit anyone.”_ _

__“I don't mean that,” Sophie replied, gently. “I mean you're more secretive than the rest of us. Sometimes Eliot is surly, but I still know a lot about him. And Hardison's an open book.”_ _

__“I don't have anything to tell. I'm not like people,” Parker said. Sophie took her hand away, and Parker twitched. “OK. What do you want to know?”_ _

__“Well...” Sophie licked her lips. “I don't know. When did you know you were different?”_ _

__“I'm not different,” Parker said. She sucked some smoothie. Sophie was still looking at her. Was Sophie asking her when she knew she was into women as well as men? But then why had she asked all those questions about being a kid?_ _

__Suddenly it clicked. Parker snorted: it was so obvious. “Are you asking when I found out I'm autistic?”_ _

__Sophie laughed a little. She was trying her best to stare into Parker's eyes, but Parker didn't want her to. Not right now. “Yes,” Sophie said. “I suppose that's what I'm asking you.”_ _

__“Why didn't you just say it, then? Why were you being weird?”_ _

__Sophie stopped trying to eyeball Parker. She stirred her coffee instead. “I wasn't sure if you knew. If you'd been … diagnosed, I suppose. I didn't want to be too direct.”_ _

__Parker sighed. “Maybe you don't know as much about autism as you think.”_ _

__“Maybe I don't,” Sophie agreed._ _

__“Because you can _never_ be too direct. It's much better than the other stuff. The not-asking.” _ _

__Sophie's hand came back to Parker's arm. Still cold from the coffee. It was nice. “I'll remember that,” she said. “It's not how I usually communicate. It's not really how I work.”_ _

__“I know,” Parker said. “You're all about misdirection. But not, like, to steal something from someone. It's emotional misdirection.”_ _

__Sophie paused. “Yes. That's about the size of it.”_ _

__“I'm not like that,” Parker explained. Sometimes you had to make things very clear to people._ _

__“I know.” Sophie squeezed her arm. “You're a holiday from all of that.”_ _

__Parker smiled. She liked that. “Yeah. You can teach me about all that gestures crap. And in exchange, you can have a vacation from all the pretending.”_ _

__Sophie nodded. “That's a good idea.” She looked out at the water. “You know, I'm not always sure who I am when I'm not pretending._ _

__Two women holding trays squeezed passed behind them, and Sophie pressed a little closer to Parker._ _

__“You're Sophie,” Parker said. She wasn't sure about all the deep stuff, talking about who you were. How hard could it be to figure out? She knew she was a thief._ _

__“You smell really good,” Parker told her. Almond scented Sophie's hair, her skin smelt of citrus._ _

__Sophie smiled. “So tell me about what it was like when you were diagnosed. How did it feel?” She paused as Parker gathered her thoughts, and added, “You don't have to, not if it's too difficult.”_ _

__Parker leant into Sophie's warmth. Sophie didn't pull away, and Parker hoped that meant she liked it, but Parker didn't know for sure. She'd have to ask her, she guessed._ _

__“When I was eleven I broke into the records office. I needed to see my files. I wanted to know if they were gonna put me into foster care again or keep me in the home. I was too much trouble in foster care. People saw a little blonde kid and thought I was gonna be cute or something, and then I wasn't. And in my file there was this whole report from a psychiatrist that said I was emotionally disturbed. But also autistic. And that's why I had so much trouble adjusting.”_ _

__Sophie didn't say anything for a while. She looked out at the sunlight moving on the water. Parker looked at her looking, at the shape of her jaw in the light._ _

__“So no one told you directly?”_ _

__“They don't tell you things. That's why I had to break in. It's a funny word. Autism. Awe-tiz-um. It made me think of a sneeze. I had to say it in my head over and over so I could remember it and look it up.”_ _

__Sophie didn't say anything. She always left spaces in the conversation, Parker had noticed, like she wanted to give people plenty of time to keep on talking if they wanted to. But Parker preferred to be asked questions. She didn't know how to fill spaces._ _

__“What did you think?” Sophie asked. “When you looked it up?”_ _

__“There was a list of symptoms. Lots of big words.” Parker remembered getting the book off the shelf in the library. It was in the adult's section, and she wasn't supposed to be in there yet, so it was kind of fun to sneak out the book. Not that books were ever really fun. “I wasn't doing well in school, so it was kind of hard to read. But when I figured it out, I thought it explained some things.”_ _

__Sophie nodded. “It must have been scary,” she said. “To feel like someone had decided you were different.”_ _

__Parker shook her head. “I already knew there was something wrong with me. I'm not dumb.”_ _

__Sophie's lips parted. She pressed into Parker's side now, a lithe warmth, and took Parker's hand. “There's nothing wrong with you.”_ _

__“There is, though. I'm disabled. I'm not allowed to join the army. Not that I want to join the army.” She shrugged. “It's fine. I'm fine. I'm…” But Parker didn't know how to put it into words for Sophie. This was the way she was. If she was a different way, she wouldn't be Parker. Maybe she'd be happier, she didn't know. But she also might not be good at being a thief, so. There were advantages._ _

__Sophie squeezed her hand. It made Parker's stomach flutter nervously, her throat burn. She wanted Sophie to grip her wrist so hard she couldn't pull away. She wanted Sophie to tug her hair, exposing her neck. It was very distracting, having thoughts like that._ _

__“I'm glad,” Sophie was saying. “I like you just the way you are.”_ _

__“Oh.” Parker's throat felt hot, and her ears. She sipped her smoothie, but she was getting to the end and the straw made a horrible gagging noise. She pushed it away and managed to say, “I like you too.”_ _

__Sophie squeezed her hand again, smiled, and then drew away. Parker wished she wouldn't. She'd be happy just to sit here, just to feel Sophie against her side. Maybe she wouldn't even need Sophie's hands on her skin, her fingers on her lips. Maybe this would be enough._ _

__“When you asked me when I first knew I was different, I thought you were talking about something else,” Parker said._ _

__“Did you?”_ _

__“Yeah.” Parker swallowed. “I thought you were going to ask me when I figured out I was bi.”_ _

__Sophie turned and looked at her. Warm brown eyes focusing on Parker's own. Parker didn't flinch. “Well, that's a much more fun conversation.”_ _

__And it was._ _

__*_ _

__On the plane going back to the base, Parker sat between Hardison and Sophie. They were in first class: the seats were wide and comfortable. Parker could easily fold her legs under herself and still have plenty of room to spare. It was much better than economy, where the aisles were so small she couldn't get her legs up properly and she was expected to sit straight for hours until every one of her muscles was cramped and uncomfortable._ _

__Sophie was reading a magazine – one about art, but with surprisingly few pictures. Hardison seemed half asleep. Parker wondered if she could lie down horizontally with her head in Sophie's lap and her feet in Hardison's. But that would be too much touching. And maybe the steward would say something._ _

__Parker wet her lips. No one was speaking and it was hard for her to break the silence, like it had got inside her mouth and glued her teeth together. But she wanted to figure this out, and she didn't know how to do that without asking._ _

__“You know how you were teaching me about gestures?” she began._ _

__Hardison nodded. Sophie glanced up from the magazine._ _

__“Can you teach me something else?” She paused, and then rushed on, “How do you let someone know you like them? As, like, not a friend?”_ _

__“Well,” Hardison said. “You can just tell them.”_ _

__“Sometimes you don't want them to know,” Sophie broke in. “Seduction is a very subtle game. It's about touch, suggestion. Drawing someone in until they realise they want you. Until they're the one who asks you, until they can't resist you.”_ _

__“Huh.” Parker chewed her lip. “Hardison's way sounds more straightforward.”_ _

__“It's not as exciting, though,” Sophie said._ _

__Hardison looked between them. “I don't know if your way is gonna work for Parker.”_ _

__“Hmm. Do you know how to tell if someone likes _you_?” Sophie asked. _ _

__Parker thought about it. “They ask if I want a drink? Or if I want to sleep with them?”_ _

__Hardison laughed. “Yeah, that's definitely a good indication. But sometimes people don't come out with it. You can tell in other ways. They might ask you a lot of questions about yourself, draw you out like Sophie said...”_ _

__“Or touch you a lot. Make a lot of eye contact. Touch their hair,” Sophie went on. “Do you want me to show you?”_ _

__Parker felt her chest grow tight, her mouth dry. “OK,” she said._ _

__Sophie put down her magazine, and turned towards her. She put her hand on Parker's wrist, the way she'd done in the café, and leant slightly towards Parker. She met Parker's eyes in a way that made Parker feel raw and exposed, like she was giving too much of herself, or being pulled towards an intimacy she wasn't ready to face. Parker swallowed, looking away slightly, at Sophie's nose, her eyebrow. “I had so much fun with you yesterday,” Sophie said. “It's really nice to talk to you.” She touched the hair below her left ear._ _

__“Me too,” Parker said, and then she remembered that this was an act. She drew away from Sophie. “But you're playing me, right? Does that mean you didn't have a good time yesterday?”_ _

__“Flirtation isn't a lie,” Sophie said. “But it's a little about flattery.”_ _

__“What did you guys do yesterday?” Hardison said. “I spent like six hours in a the van being awesome, and Parker hit that guy with a vase. That part was kind of fun.”_ _

__“We went for coffee,” Parker said. “Sophie asked me a lot of questions. It was nice.”_ _

__“Sounds like a date,” Hardison said. “A coffee date, where you get to know each other, and if it goes well you go to dinner.”_ _

__“You do?” Parker looked back at Sophie. Sophie had that soft look on her face, like she was happy, or amused. Parker felt herself grow in resolve. It wouldn't be so scary, to ask Sophie. Even if she said no, she'd be nice about it.“Do you want to go to dinner with me, Sophie?”_ _

__Sophie smiled. “That's a pretty direct way to ask someone out. But if they say yes, you certainly know they like you.”_ _

__“No.” Parker looked at her lap, at her feet curled together on the aeroplane seat. Her heart was hammering in her head. This was dumb. Sophie didn't like her, she was just being nice. That's what Sophie was like. But she'd started saying it, so she kept going, “I mean it. The coffee thing went well. Let's get dinner.”_ _

__Hardison made a faint noise, somewhere between a laugh and a gasp._ _

__“I'd love to,” Sophie said._ _

__“OK.” Parker grinned. She was tense, tingling. But almost in a good way, like after she'd successfully avoided a motion sensor, and suddenly the calm purpose went away, and was replaced with a rush of wild fear and delight._ _

__*_ _

__Usually if Parker had to look good for a con, Sophie did her hair and make-up for her, but she couldn't ask her to do that today. She put on some lipstick, practised smiling at herself in the mirror. Tried on two tops. Her hair wouldn't do what it was supposed to. Her hands were sweaty. Was this being nervous? She wasn't sure._ _

__She asked Eliot to meet her at the base._ _

__“Never tell anyone I showed you this,” Eliot said, handing her the hairpin. They were standing in front of the mirror in the bedroom._ _

__“OK.” Parker carefully stabbed it into the braid on top of her head. “How does it look?”_ _

__Eliot shrugged. “What's this for, again?”_ _

__“A date,” Parker said, trying out the sound of the word._ _

__“A date? For a job? What are you up to?”_ _

__Parker thought Eliot was concerned. Like maybe he was worried she was going to pull something and need him to get her out of it. Which was unfair. She could get herself out of basically everything._ _

__“I'll be with Sophie,” Parker explained._ _

__“OK.” Eliot didn't relax, but he sounded relieved. “You might need some hairspray.”_ _

__Parker shook her head. “It gives me a headache. I only use it on jobs.”_ _

__“Don't shake your head too much, then. Don't be upside down.”_ _

__“OK.” Parker looked at herself in the mirror. The red top definitely made it look like she had boobs. It showed a long line of bare chest, which was kind of nice. She thought Eliot was looking at it too._ _

__“Come here,” Eliot said. He tucked in some stray strands of hair from around her face._ _

__“You're good at this,” Parker said. Because he was. He said it was because he'd had a lot of girlfriend who were models, but she thought maybe he was just interested._ _

__It was OK to be interested in hair. Sophie was too. But people could be weird about men being interested in things._ _

__“Don't tell anyone,” Eliot said again, poking her in the arm. He picked up his jacket. She didn't think he'd minded coming over, but he seemed anxious to leave._ _

__“If someone says they'll go on a date with you, that means they like you, they're not just being nice, right?”_ _

__Eliot raised his eyebrows. “Probably not. But there are a lot of reasons people go on dates.”_ _

__That wasn't very reassuring. Parker stared at herself in the mirror, touching the hair on top of her head._ _

__“Don't mess with it,” Eliot said. He turned towards the door. “Later.”_ _

__Parker had a sudden urge to ask him to stay. Maybe come with her. It was nice to have him around. She knew how he worked. But she also wanted this to be just her and Sophie. That was how dates were supposed to be. She'd seen enough movies to know that._ _

__“Thanks,” she said, to the closing door._ _

__Parker paced up and down the narrow hall. She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands, pressing until she saw sparks. That always helped._ _

__Sophie had said she was bi too. Although she'd used more words than that, and told Parker all about a girl who'd taught her to play tennis when Sophie was a teenager. Sophie had stolen a tennis outfit and talked her way into a country club so she could impress the girl and then she'd realised she'd gone to all that trouble because she wanted to kiss her._ _

__Parker wished she'd had a similar story. All she knew was that girls were really pretty, and when she thought about them it made her thighs clench and her cheeks flush._ _

__Sophie had asked her a lot of questions, and touched her a lot. Parker hoped that meant what Sophie had said it meant. People were very confusing, and Sophie was maybe the most confusing of them all._ _

__Maybe she's like a safe, Parker thought. The most beautiful, complex safe in the world. She could easily believe there were diamonds inside Sophie._ _

__Parker tried to apply some eye-liner, and gave up. She was distracted by thinking about Sophie's small smile, remembering the way she was kind and bossy at the same time. Parker liked both those things: it meant a lot that Sophie was never mean, but she also liked that Sophie also knew what to do. Parker only knew what to do in one specific area._ _

__Most of the time, she felt safe with Sophie, in a way she didn't feel safe with anyone._ _

__So this was going to be OK. She'd never need to hit Sophie was a vase._ _

__*_ _

__Parker faced exit, but it didn't help. The restaurant was too loud. She'd almost dropped her fork. She'd never done that before. She worried there was something wrong with her hands._ _

__She looked at the burger in front of her, but she couldn't pick it up. Her mouth was dry. A desert._ _

__Sophie was saying things, but Parker's brain felt too big for her head, and there were guys at the other tables who kept looking at them. She was aware she wasn't responding to Sophie properly._ _

__“It's nice to do this,” Sophie said, sipping her drink._ _

__“I hate it here.” The words came out without her meaning to say them. Someone laughed loudly in another part of the restaurant. Knives scraped plates. Parker felt it all on the inside of her skull._ _

__“Parker, you invited me.” Sophie's voice was gentle, but Parker guessed she was disappointed._ _

__Parker squirmed. She knew she shouldn't have said that – but she really did hate it here. She'd chosen wrong. It wasn't like the café, and it was hard to cope with a place like this when she wasn't on a job. Then she had a focus. Right now, she didn't know who she wanted to steal from, or stab. Maybe it was everyone._ _

__“It's too much.” Parker chewed the inside of her cheek. “I don't know. You and Hardison said that was what I should do next – that I should invite you to dinner.”_ _

__Sophie was very delicately eating her chicken. She wasn't staring around the room looking for somewhere to hide. “That's not exactly what either of us said.”_ _

__Parker tried to replay the conversation, but she couldn't. That had been the gist, hadn't it? It was possible she'd picked it up wrong._ _

__“I want to go home,” she said. That wasn't exactly true – she wanted to get into an air vent. She wanted to feel the edges all around her, she wanted to move within walls, to see but be unseen._ _

__“OK,” Sophie said. She didn't seem to be getting mad, but she looked upset, and Parker hated that. She'd wanted this to work, or at least be nice. Sophie liked things to be nice, and pretty._ _

__“I'll pay.” Parker put the damn cutlery aside once and for all. She was using Alice's credit card, which linked to Parker's own money, earned as honestly as any money she'd ever had. That was important._ _

__Sophie didn't demur. She took another bite of chicken, and carefully put her knife and fork side by side in the centre of the plate. Parker stood up, too impatient to hail a waiter._ _

__Outside, with the evening against her skin, she could think again, just a little. The smell of a city at night – pollution, fast food, a hint of rodents – soothed her nostrils. She wanted to take deep gasping breaths, as though filling her lungs again and again would make everything better. But she knew from experience it wouldn't. She pressed her hand against a building wall, pushing until she could feel cement grit into her palm._ _

__She shut her eyes, imaging herself contained in a cupboard, in a vent. Pressing as hard as she could against all the edges until her muscles sang._ _

__Then she looked at Sophie and said, “I'm sorry.”_ _

__Sophie nodded. “What's wrong?”_ _

__“I hated it in there.” Parker rubbed her wrist with the opposite hand. “I couldn't do it. That sitting down and looking at people.” It was a struggle to put it into words. “It's so loud, and you can't see where anyone's coming from. I thought it might be different, with you.”_ _

__Sophie began to walk away. Even with her insides all twisted up, Parker found herself appreciating Sophie's legs, Sophie's feet in her heels. She wasn't sure if she should follow her._ _

__Then Sophie stopped. “Why did you think it would be different?”_ _

__Didn't Sophie know? Couldn't she see? “Because I like you, that's why. I think about you all the time. I want you to...”_ _

__Sophie gestured to her, and Parker closed the distance between them. Sophie's voice was more gentle when she said, “What do you want?”_ _

__Parker hugged herself, chewing her lip. She didn't want to tell Sophie, she didn't want Sophie to draw her out like this. She felt raw, frightened. It wasn't fair. She didn't know if Sophie felt anything at all._ _

__“To be with you,” Parker said. Her voice came out in a whisper._ _

__Was this how a mark felt, when the ground fell away from them? When they realised they'd been strung along, that they'd got everything wrong? It wasn't a good feeling, but maybe Parker deserved it. She'd done a lot of things._ _

__But Sophie's hand was on her cheek. Smooth fingers, compelling Parker's chin down so she'd look into Sophie's face._ _

__“You're very brave,” Sophie said softly, and Parker thought she was being played. Sophie was doing that seduction thing, making Parker admit to too much._ _

__Sophie's lips brushed Parker's cheek. Very gently, barely a breath of warmth. Parker felt not delight but simple relief. She'd been played, but maybe that was OK. She'd ended up in the right place, right here with her senses full of Sophie: the brush of her skin, the scent of her perfume._ _

__Sophie's fingers caressed Parker's jaw. “Will you come home with me, Parker?” Sophie said. “I promise it will be quiet, and just the two of us.”_ _

__*_ _

__Parker stood in the doorway, arms wrapped around herself, tracking the escape routes._ _

__Sophie turned on the lamp by her bed and the one by her window. Low wattage: the room held a soft glow. Parker could suddenly appreciate Sophie's black dress, the way it revealed her bare shoulders. She hadn't been able to in the restaurant._ _

__“Come here,” Sophie said, sitting on the end of her bed._ _

__Parker sat beside her. She shifted her weight, didn't know what to do with her hands._ _

__“We're not like other people, are we?” Sophie said._ _

__“I don't know. I'm not.”_ _

__Sophie touched the back of Parker's arm. “I'm not, either. I was trying...” Sophie paused, her fingers tracing Parker's skin. Her touch was too delicate, it tickled, but Parker kept her arm still. “I was trying to do this right, but I think I've ended up hurting you.”_ _

__Hurting her? No. Parker rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “I like it when you talk in that calm voice that lets us all know you're in charge. I like that you know what you're doing.” She realised she was rocking very slightly now. “I don't know how to talk to people.”_ _

__“You're doing well,” Sophie said. Her fingers brushed Parker's shoulder. “Can I touch you?”_ _

__“Yeah, but… Not light touch. Firm.”_ _

__The room was silent for a moment, no one moving. And then Sophie drew Parker to her, arms wiry and firm around Parker's torso. Parker let her head fall onto Sophie's chest, where she'd wanted it to rest for a long time._ _

__Sophie squeezed. “Like this?”_ _

__Parker nodded. “Like that. Yeah.”_ _

__She let out a long breath. She was horribly aware of her skin, of her body, of all the words crowded into her head. It felt like nothing would ever be bearable. And then the feelings eased. They didn't go away, but she could breathe again. Being hugged by Sophie was almost as good as being in a vent, although Sophie's heartbeat under her ear was strange and distracting._ _

__Parker wrapped her arms around Sophie too, and stroked Sophie's back, a firm, steady circle._ _

__Suddenly she was thinking of Sophie's skin again. Parker swallowed. Her imagination had given her images of Sophie touching her, of Sophie's teeth on her neck. But it hadn't told her what would happened when Sophie brought her into her apartment and closed the door behind them. It hadn't shown her how they would go from being two fully dressed people sitting on a bed to … something else._ _

__“We don't have to do anything you don't want,” Sophie said, drawing slowly back from Parker. “You know that, don't you?”_ _

__“I know,” Parker said. And then, in a rush, “I want everything.”_ _

__Sophie laughed, a gentle, warm sound. She cupped Parker's cheek. Her thumb by Parker's lips, so close Parker could have licked it._ _

__“I think I'm scared,” Parker said, even as she leant into the touch._ _

__“Why?”_ _

__“I'm scared you don't really want me. That this is maybe a game.”_ _

__Sophie kissed her then, and her mouth was fierce. Parker felt the edge of Sophie's tooth, heat of her breath. Sophie's fingers were in her hair, and it made Parker gasp. She leant into Sophie, her pulse hammering in her head._ _

__Sophie pulled back enough to say, “I want you. I want you, Parker. You're not a game to me.”_ _

__“I believe you,” Parker said. Suddenly she felt like they were inhabiting an entirely different evening, one where they'd dated like normal people, and Parker had flirted with Sophie and done all that hair-touching stuff. Her body knew once more how much it longed for Sophie._ _

__Parker's skin was hot, her body telling her too many things at once, but she knew she didn't want to stop kissing Sophie. She felt Sophie respond, the pull of her mouth, the touch of her tongue. Parker fisted her hands in Sophie's dress._ _

__“You're beautiful,” Sophie said. “How come you don't know that? Let me take your hair down.”_ _

__She tugged the pins out of Parker's hair, and Parker pressed into her fingers, the scratch of a nail against her scalp._ _

__“Pull my hair,” Parker said, surprising herself. Her mouth was dry. She needed… She suddenly needed so much from Sophie, but especially she needed Sophie to be in charge. Parker couldn't feel where her skin ended and the world began, and she needed Sophie to define those edges._ _

__Sophie met her eyes. Parker let that gaze hold her own. She didn't know what to do with the depth of vulnerability she felt, the degree of exposure. It was so much. “Sophie,” she whispered. She couldn't say anything else. Just the one plea._ _

__“Darling,” Sophie said. Her fingers settled in Parker's hair, against her scalp, and she tugged. Parker moved with the touch, and Sophie drew her head back, leading her by the hair. The pressure spread across Parker's scalp, the delicious, defining pressure._ _

__“Yes,” Parker gasped._ _

__Sophie guided her down onto the bed. “What do you want?” she said, letting go of Parker's hair._ _

__Parker didn't know. “More,” she said at last, and Sophie smiled suddenly. It was a different smile from usual: open, wicked. Pleased._ _

__“Hands above your head. Good girl, hold one wrist with the other hand.” That voice: calm, firm. The voice that made Parker's mouth go dry and her pulse speed._ _

__The world came back into focus as Sophie leant over her. She pressed against Parker's body, and Parker thrust against her to feel her heat, her weight, against her. Distantly, she was aware of her own arousal, the throbbing in her groin, but it was unimportant compared with the need to feel Sophie's body against hers._ _

__Sophie kissed her again, the texture of her lips both foreign and delicious. Parker gripped her wrist, the way Sophie had told her, though she wanted to cling to Sophie. She concentrated on the movement of her tongue, the bite of Sophie's teeth. Sophie licked down her throat, nipped Parker's collarbone, her breath hot on Parker's chest._ _

__“Sophie.” Parker found herself saying the name without meaning to, like an echo she couldn't control. “Sophie, Sophie.”_ _

__Another bite: a blunt heat on her upper breast, one on her shoulder. Sophie tugged at the bottom of Parker's shirt, and Parker let herself be pulled up so Sophie could get it off. She left it tangled around Parker's wrists, holding them above Parker's head. Parker's bra ended up there as well, a scrap of white, keeping her in place._ _

__Parker wriggled her hips. She liked it._ _

__Time moved fast, and then slow. Sophie on top of her, her mouth on Parker's skin. Parker holding her wrist tighter and tighter, feeling the press of Sophie's hands on her breasts, a tug at her nipples that sent a pulse right into her belly. Sophie's thigh between her legs, her lithe weight on Parker's torso._ _

__Sophie's voice, whispering to her. Telling her when to nibble Sophie's lips, when to thrust her leg up to Sophie's groin, when to keep still. Sophie saying, “Well done.” And, “Good girl.” And, “Just like that, yes.”_ _

__Then Sophie was untangling Parker's arms from the shirt, and pressing her hands over Parker's shoulders, her fingers digging into the muscles. Sophie took off her dress, rumpled now, and Parker stared at her. Sophie's soft breasts, the line of her stomach, the arc of her thigh._ _

__When Sophie touched her now, she didn't know what to do with her body. She felt herself quiver, her fingers spasm. This was so much. She was aching, she didn't know what any part of her skin was telling her._ _

__She thought she would've hated it, that sensory confusion, but with Sophie there, it was different. It was OK to feel too much. She knew Sophie would keep her together. She said, “More.”_ _

__Sophie held her. Pulled her into her arms, until they were skin to skin, frantic heat against frantic heat. Parker's breath against Sophie's throat, Sophie's hands pressing into Parker's back, her butt. Parker whimpered, bucking into Sophie._ _

__Then she finally undid the buttons on Parker's jeans, and pulled them down around Parker's calves. Her fingers touched Parker's mound, her vulva, danced over the wet heat. God, Parker was wet. Parker felt like she was nothing but wetness and skin._ _

__“Good,” Sophie said. “So wet for me. Oh, darling. What do you want?”_ _

__Parker heard the keen from her own throat like it came from someone else. It was so desperate, so open. But then she managed to say, “More. More, Sophie.”_ _

__Sophie kissed her, mouth tender and sour with saliva, and then her fingers slid over Parker's clitoris. She seemed to slide back and forth only once or twice before Parker was gasping and bucking, hiding her face against Sophie's breasts. She was already undone. She had never come like this, this quickly, with this quivering desperation._ _

__She kept her face on Sophie's chest for a long time. She gasped out Sophie's name again, and again, clinging to Sophie, hiding herself in Sophie. Drinking in the scent of Sophie's skin, the safety she felt here in the softness of Sophie's body. She was contained, held by Sophie's limbs. She could feel her own breath slowing._ _

__Gradually she was able to come back to herself. She looked up._ _

__When their eyes met, Sophie tangled her fingers in Parker's hair. Tugged just a little. “Are you all right, sweetheart?” she said._ _

__Parker didn't know. She pressed into Sophie's hand, like a kitten._ _

__Then, because it was true, she said, “I want to lick you. I want to eat you out.”_ _

__Sophie laughed – a little, startled laugh. “Oh, _good_ girl,” she said. “Yes, please, darling, yes.” _ _

__Parker slid down between Sophie's legs, feeling the thighs part to accommodate her. She wasn't exactly sure what she was doing. But Sophie would tell her._ _

__*_ _

__Parker was starving. Sophie seemed to be asleep, so she slid out of the bed, and pulled on the shirt she'd been wearing. After a moment, she decided to put on underwear too, even though it was still kind of damp and musky._ _

__Sophie didn't have any good cereal. Only a bag of oatmeal, and something really healthy with raisins and nuts. Parker wrinkled her nose. She found bread – wholemeal, but it would have to do – and milk, and there was honey in the cupboard near the cereal._ _

__She moved quietly. No one would know she was here. She was an expert at secretly snacking._ _

__But Sophie came in before she was on her second bite._ _

__“Well,” she said. “I suppose you didn't have much to eat for dinner.”_ _

__“Are you mad that I took your bread?” Parker asked. Sometimes people could be weird about you snacking in their house. She could buy Sophie new bread._ _

__“Of course not,” Sophie said. She went to the cupboard and took out some tea. “Would you like me to make you a cup?”_ _

__Parker wrinkled her nose. “I'm fine.” She glugged some more milk. “You don't have any good cereal.”_ _

__“That stuff you eat is so full of sugar,” Sophie said. “It's a terrible way to start your day.”_ _

__“I don't always eat it for breakfast. You can eat cereal at any time, really.”_ _

__Sophie filled the kettle. “What's your favourite kind?”_ _

__Parker licked some honey off the edge of the bread. “Lucky Charms.”_ _

__“The one with marshmallows?” Sophie shook her head. “I'll bear that in mind.”_ _

__“For what?”_ _

__“Well, I'd like my apartment to be a comfortable place for you to be.” Sophie was looking carefully at her kettle, as though there was some deep mystery in the boiling water._ _

__Parker thought over what she'd said. “So you'll have me over again?”_ _

__“I'd like to.” Sophie came over and leant against the countertop next to Parker. “Can I give you a hug?”_ _

__“Uh-huh.” Parker made sure there was no honey on her chin. She put her arms around Sophie, bent her head so it fit neatly on Sophie's shoulder. “You don't have to ask.”_ _

__Sophie squeezed her. She smelt less like perfume now, and a little more like sweat. It was nice. “You'll tell me, won't you?” Sophie said. “What works and what doesn't work?”_ _

__“You have to tell me, too,” Parker said. “No expecting me just to understand.”_ _

__“Deal,” Sophie said. Her hair tickled Parker's face. Her arms were firm, and Parker felt herself relax more and more._ _

__“It'll be like a vacation, right? Like we said before? You don't do all the misdirection and pretending with me.”_ _

__“It'll be hard for me,” Sophie said. “Pretending is who I am. But I'll learn.”_ _

__“I'll learn, too.” Parker nuzzled Sophie's neck. “Your kettle is boiling.”_ _


End file.
